Falling in love all over again...

So, lately I have been on the road just a little too much for my own good. I have been in and out of town so much lately that it's making my head spin.

Driving to and from Evansville, Louisville, and Nashville - it's been... trying on my patience and leaves me with too much time to muddle through thoughts that are better left alone.

But here I am. After another long night in the car --

I was listening to a CD this evening and a song popped on that really got me thinking. It was a song that I had heard 100 times over already, but this time it struck me different. And that thought spurred... this:

I have been in love 6 times. Each time a different experience. Each time brought different troubles, tribulations, and heartaches.

These are the times that I can truly identify being "in love."

1. I fell in love with MUSIC. In fourth grade I sold my heart to the violin and have been playing it ever since. And then I gave my heart away to singing and other things musical. Collecting and sharing became a passion. Lyrics, melodies, the rush of a well done performance... All these things make my heart flutter. It was what led me to want to be involved in music as a career. I have since been called to give up this love, and it hurts. More than I'd like to admit. And the hardest thing about it... no one really understands.
2. JESUS captured my heart at a young age as well. Throughout the years, no matter how many stupid things I've done, he's found a way to steal my heart back unto him. He consistently finds ways to wrap me up in a beautiful sunrise or the laughter of a new baby. He shows me his love through beautiful symphonies and in the rain. He is currently reminding me of how cared for, how blessed I am, and how... much he loves me. It's a wonderful feeling.
3. I fell in love with a PREACHER. Or at least a future preacher... I fell in love with the idea of what we could be, of what our kids could be, of what my home could be... I fell in love with the minivan, the white picket fence, and the laughter of a youth group running around in the back yard. I gave up those dreams when I watched that preacher's back walk out of my life. It was the most hurtful experience of my life. Thankfully my Jesus healed me, allowed me to find reconciliation, forgiveness and something different to cling to.
   
4. Then, I went to Nicaragua and El Salvador - and my heart fell in love with MISSIONS and CHILDREN from Central America. I have pictures that I still weep over. I have kids that I still pray for... They stole my heart. There was a joy and a hope that I found in those slums. I went to give them hope, food, a future, and a Jesus... and instead, they turned around and gave it right back to me. I long to be back there and scoop up dirty children in my arms. To swing around and around until we both get dizzy and collapse in laughter... That is life. That is joy. That is love.
5. I came back from the mission field and fell in love with NASHVILLE. It was a city of prestige. A night life. Something constantly going on. Meeting someone know knows "so and so". Hanging out with the likes of Dave Barnes and Derek Webb. I picked up everything and moved here. To be in this city that held my future and my home. And now... this too I walk away from. Though it won't be the incredibly tearful goodbye that it would have been a year ago, this city has left it's mark on me and I will forever feel a little more at home here than anywhere else.
6. And my last, and most recent love would be my fiancee, JIM. It wasn't expected, and it wasn't planned. He was a friend and I expected it to stay that way. And then slowly but surely, he walked into my life in such a way that I could never look back. There was something in the way he looked at me that was different. Something in the way I felt totally and completely at peace when he was near. I was COMFORTABLE with him and with myself. I cannot wait until we can begin building the home and future together that we talk about so much. He is my love and I am his. And though things aren't always perfect, they are right - and that makes all the difference.

So in short... These lyrics made me think about who I was...

I wish you could see me now,
I wish I could show you how,
I'm not who i was.

I used to be mad at you.
A little on the hurt-side too,
But I'm not who I was.

I found my way around,
to forgivin' you, some-time-ago,
But I never got to tell you...

And these reminded me of where we're going...

The way that we love
The way that we laugh
It’s something worth seeing
So let’s make it last Let’s make it last

Amazing how these songs played back to back just in time to remind me of where I've been and where I'm going... And with all that said... Goodnight...

...may I never forget that God gives and he takes away...
...cherish the things you've had and have...
...they may not be here forever...