Mint Bliss

So I was GOING to blog about my latest favorite Christmas song, but as I'm writing this, my cat is persistantly licking my hands... She WON'T stop... Why?

I just got my latest Mary Kay order in and I ordered some of our foot cream for myself. I excitedly tried it out before starting my post, but my cat thinks my hands are VERY tasty now.

This has been very difficult to write and I'm afraid she's going to start licking the keyboard... So to bed I must go!

word-ly beauty

Blessed Family

I have been overwhelmed lately with such a sense of gratitude for my family and yet an overwhelming sense of sorrow for those less fortunate than I. Despite all the craziness or arguing that may come from the holidays, I still have a family that I LOVE to be with. They are my friends and my constant companions. I don’t think I realized that until after I got married and moved away. I miss them more than I ever thought possible. How many people out there can say that? I am so blessed.

Lord, help me to fully understand the great gift you have given me in my family. Help me to be equipped to reach out to those less fortunate and those without the family support that you have so generously blessed me with.

Exciting Times Ahead!

How is it already December? Time seemingly keeps getting faster and faster. It’s definitely a bittersweet speed up. Part of me wishes that I could go back and enjoy even more of what I was doing and where I was at. Another part of me is SO excited for the coming changes. There is so much to look forward to and get excited about.

When I joined Mary Kay back in September, it was definitely a needed lifestyle change: shifting my thinking towards the positive instead of the negative, putting real, attainable goals in front of me, getting back into a more disciplined lifestyle. All these have been so refreshing after the period of dryness I went through this summer.

Life is full of possibilities and dreams. What are your dreams and measurable goals for the next week? The next month? The next 3 months? Where do you want to be in a year? What do you need to do to get there? I challenge you to dream with me and grow with me.

Dare to Dream Again

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." -Anatole France

So in the last week I took the plunge and became a Mary Kay consultant. I'm very excited about the possibilities. It's been so long since I've been able to dream BIG dreams and to actually believe they could come true. It's also not that I'm just able to do this, I'm encouraged to do so.

If someone told you that the sky was the limit, what would you dream?

Abby the Tabby

So I never thought I could be so happy to come home and have a cute little face running toward me in greeting. It has been a complete addition of joy and wonder into our home. After almost a week of not knowing what his/her gender is, and not having a name... "Kitty" has been declared a girl, become neutral, and gotten a name all in them same day! Whew!!

It was so traumatizing having her come home from the vet and stumbling and falling all over the place. She is finally getting back to normal and that is good. I don't think my poor heart could have taken her looking so drugged any longer.

Needless to say, its been a fun excersize in watching Jim interact with a kitten and get a glimpse of what he's going to be like as a father. And if Abby is any indicator, he's going to be a GREAT dad. :)

Hippy Christianity and Feeling at Home

Warning: Longer post than normal, but hopefully with something to say...

So I realize that I haven't been really blogging lately. I've come to the conclusion that if I'm not at least halfway positive in what I want to say, then well... I might not say it at all. I've not been depressed or angry at the world, just -- quiet. Lots of feelings have been in this season of my life. Overwhelming contentement and love, being lost in the crowd, feeling as if God's voice has abandoned me, and incredibly high moments of self reflection and moving forward in my faith.

I feel as though I'm coming out of this season of solitude and quiet. God is slowly but surely drawing myself and those around me to Him. I and the church are being wooed by a wonderful Savior.

I found God tonight in a coffee shop. Listening to an incredible singer/songwriter. He reminded me why I love music so much and the rush of being a part of all that. It was in this 1 hour and 10 minute set that I realized how much my faith has changed and developed and (hopefully) matured over the years.

Lately I feel as though I'm leaning toward what I like to call hippy style Christianity. The communal nature of the Trinity and what that actually looks like in practice. For once, realizing that God just longs for our hearts and not a pretend faith. Feeling compassion for all peoples that God has created and specifically wanting to do something about it.

There are a few songs that really stick out to me from tonight:

Somebody's Baby - quoting the lyrics would take forever, son instead, just look them up online. It's a story of a homeless woman who just can't take the pain of it all anymore and ultimately finds a way out of it. But that the idea that she's somebody's baby. That at some point she was the prized possesion of a parent. It puts it in such a real and tangible light. I think we can easily dehumanize those around us, especially the homeless and the marginalized. What are we doing to prevent outcomes like the ones in this song?

This is Home - This is another one that I just want to quote the entire song - so, click on the title and check out the lyrics. I've been going back and forth with why I'm actually in Lexington. Yes, I love my husband very, very much. And I'm very excited to be a part of the FUMC family. Our culture is very, very, very, very wrapped up, however, in what you DO. I haven't DONE anything work wise in... 4 months now. I'm finally coming to grips that it's not about what I do in terms of work, but in terms of love, actions, and community. I'm finally HOME.

Your Love is Strong - A prayer. Awesome lyrics again. Just reminds me so much of how God is in control and yet... How little we allow Him to do. Just a solid reminder of how mighty He truly is.

Ok, so this is lengthy, yes... and I have more that I'm pondering. But I may just save those for another blog sometime very soon. :-) Get excited. The juices are flowing.

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town...

hold my hand, i can't stand alone

don't you worry, there my honey

we might not have any money

but we've got our love to pay the bills

If only....

What a Wonderful World

I see trees of green, red roses too.
I see em bloom, for me and you.
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue, clouds of white.
Bright blessed days, dark sacred nights.
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

A breath of fresh air

So it's been an odd couple days of cooler temperatures, but I'm certainly not going to complain. I've been enjoying having the windows open and feeling the fresh air on my face. Mmm...

So I must say that I can't believe May is already near over. It means that I've been married now for over a month. It means that I've gone almost a month and a half without working. It means our resources are going to run out sooner than later. It means I'm getting restless.

I never thought I'd miss going to work everyday... Yet I am finding myself craving routine. And craving an environment of my very own here in Lexington. I don't just want to sit by the wayside any longer... I want to be "actively doing" life instead of wasting away in my third floor apartment, watching the world go by.

I'm sure there's a Greek or Hebrew word that describes what I long for. Sometimes I wish I spoke them. I always got a little more excited when I realized how much we miss out on scripture and how much more there is to learn if we could embrace the FULL meanings of the words that were originally used... But I digress...

Maybe I should take to studying Greek and/or Hebrew... Does that make me a weirdo? So what if it does... Well I'm going to end this little rant with a quote that I found today. I pray that my life begins to look like this:

"The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he’s always doing both.”
— James A. Michener

this is the place, this is the moment.

So I'm finally "home". It's still a bit odd to be in Lexington and consider it home. Just never a place that I thought I'd end up. Though, I must say, it's good to be here. The apartment is starting to look like a place that has been lived in. Curtains are going up and hopefully wall hangings soon. There are still returns sitting in the back bedroom, but I'm sure we'll get to them soon.

Today is also the first day that I've been away from Jim for any length of time since we got married. It's been great, but I must say it's nice to be alone for a few moments. I'm excited for him to come home this evening and share a meal together. I'm cooking one of my favorite dishes of my mom's. I'm even thinking about cleaning off the deck and eating out on the patio this evening. It looks like a perfect evening for it.

The job search is still on. There was a job that I found that was ABSOLUTELY everything I wanted in a job. Unfortunately, they didn't hire anyone - just did some internal shifting to fill the position. I was incredibly disappointed, however that just means there's something out there that's a better fit for everyone involved right now. I just have to find it. I'm anxious to do so.

Well there is much to be done around the house, so I should hop to it before Jim gets home. I kind of rather like this whole house-wife thing. I wish it could last. Maybe someday.

Wedding Countdown - 1 day!

So it's a rare thing to find a bit of solace in the day of a rehearsal dinner - let alone your own! I'm sitting in the soundbooth at church listening to the hushed sounds of the daycare kids playing in the rooms behind me, the musicians talking back and forth, and the calm music of a piano and violin fading in and out in the background...

It's a beautiful moment.

I'm so calm and so at peace and so overwhelmed with my Savior. He has loved me so diligently and brought me here so fully. I'm so in awe at everything around me. I'm so blessed. I never thought I'd get teary eyed or overwhelmed with emotion at my wedding. I'm really afraid I might...

Jim is.. absolutely the compliment that I need. He keeps me sane, he makes me laugh, we work well together, and we love together. Truly it overwhelms me.

Now I must go get showered and changed and all that jazz for the rehearsal tonight. :) It's so CLOSE. I'm so EXCITED. I'm about to be a WIFE.

So Blessed...

So I should either be sleeping or packing - and I find myself doing neither. Naturally.

Tomorrow I was planning on going home after work, but part of me thinks I should stay here, pack, relax and take my time getting up there. Mom and Ashton both don't have the day off on Friday, so I'd rush up there to get there... AFTER Ash was in bed, and then see everyone when they got home from work or school. So, without the rushing and the extra evening, I could do the same thing by driving up on Friday morning. This is a minor rambling and no way really related to why I signed on to blogger...

I sit here in the dark with "my" laptop. I use quotes because it's quickly going to become someone else's early next week. We have begun the process of switching over and moving me out. Tomorrow I'm going to begin moving out of my desk. I don't like this. I don't like it one bit.

Leaving behind my job seemed like an easy task at the beginning of June when Jim and I first started talking about getting married. That's because I barely knew the people I worked with. I barely knew how much they would enter my life and fill it up. I restrained from making a lot of real friends in Nashville because I didn't want the heartache of having to say goodbye. But... I think I failed at that goal.

I sit here thinking about having to pack up my desk, hand over my computer and say goodbye to my friends, my colleagues and tears start finding their way into my eyes. Though Nashville never fully became the home I had expected it to be, it was probably more than I could have ever hoped for.

I didn't become some big tour manager on the road week in and week out. I didn't become some flashy artist manager with tons of cash and pull with the rich and famous. What I did was create a niche for myself. I found people and I learned how to work as a team, yet retain my individuality. I learned to stand up for what I believe in, and know my place and respect decisions of others. I learned a ton. I by no means know everything in the world - I probably know less now than I did a year ago. But with wisdom comes the knowledge that we don't know everything.

As much as it pains me to walk away, I'm ridiculously excited to see where life takes me. Jim has been officially accepted to Asbury Seminary, our apartment has been officially finalized, and I'm interviewing at several different places. I know that God is sovereign and He knows the best for me. He brought me to this place and now He takes me from this place. I'm excited to see where the road leads.

So many things have been whispering to me that I'm right where God wants me... It's a beautiful thing. Amidst all the chaos there's a peace that runs like a river through it all. Such a wonderful feeling.

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly (Sanctus Real)

Needless to say - I never thought I'd be here feeling this way tonight. In the end, I'm so blessed. And grateful for every moment.

5'3.75" - 165 lbs.

OK - now most women shirk from posting their weight somewhere, and maybe I'll regret this post in a bit, but... whatever. It's a number. It doesn't define me. But please forgive this mini rant....

I am proudly 5' 3.75" and 165 lbs (on average).

The AVERAGE woman in the United States is 5' 3.8" tall (source). The average woman in the United States is 162.9 lbs. (source).

WHY DO CLOTHES NOT FIT ME????????

Why is it one disappointing trek out after another? Why am I forced to wear "petite" and "short" pants? Why am I doomed to forever be "curvy".

I want them to start putting REGULAR and NORMAL on clothes that I wear. Not because I have a complex - because clothes that fit me are invisible. They DON'T exist. I don't know who wears all the clothes that are for sale in the mall... They don't fit this girl-next-door-average-apple-pie-eating-American-football-loving-Midwestern-woman. I just do not understand.

(This is just for miscellaneous clothing items - don't EVEN get me started on jean shopping...)

Can I get a witness???

I now conclude this public service announcement. Thank you.

Beauty in the Breakdown

I should NOT be writing on my blog right now after that rush of adrenaline mixed with a hit of caffiene from Starbucks, but here I am...

Tonight was absolutely lovely. It was good to steal away and talk to someone who isn't in my daily realm of being. It was definitely needed to take the over 1.5 mile walk to dinner and breathe in the fresh air while catching up and discussing life. Sitting listening to Foreigner at SATCO and watching MTV without sound and chatting about life and responsibility, weddings and budgets, house shopping and college life, cleaning and the weather was exactly what I needed. I miss days like that where interactions like that were normal - random walks and dinners with a mixture of different people each day. I miss college.

After dinner, I drove home (though my calves were a tad shaky) chatting with Jim about miscellaneous objects in his desk as he began to spring clean for the big move in 4-7 weeks (depending on when we move!!). That was fun.

My evening derailed a tad when I went to write the check for my car payment. My booklet wasn't where it should have been and I had NO recollection of seeing it somewhere else. The last time I used it was in New Albany... WHAT THE HECK! Where was it?? After ransacking my entire apartment, I found it... Sitting on top of the filing cabinet that I had been scouring and 3 inches away from where I had been looking. If only I had picked up that one last folder... My blood pressure skyrocketed - for what? Something that was right under my nose.

Sometimes I wonder if God's answers to our questions are like that... Within reach the whole time. We're just looking in the wrong spot? Are we scouring over and under every rock except the one rock that He's waiting for us to turn over? Is it some cat and mouse game of figuring out the correct path in life?

I don't know. I don't have any answers right now. All I know is I'm about to go crazy under all this stress... There's beauty in the breakdown.

Lord, I feel at times that I'm lost in the wilderness without knowing where the path has gone. You know the way. Please show me as only You can do... I can trust You with this. I can. Thank You for Your unfailing love and strength that I draw from each day... You are my EVERYTHING.

40 days and 40 nights

Between now and the wedding will be like Noah and the ark. :-) Maybe I'll get my olive branch on April 25th. OOORRRR not. I only work for a comedian. I don't claim to be funny. (ok, so sometimes I do!)

The latest in the packing extravaganza has been coffee mugs and glasses. They have been wrapped in towels and put into the cooler. I've decided to use what I have to pack with until I start swiping boxes from grocery stores or the office.








Also in other wedding-ish news, WE GOT OUR RINGS! :-) These are terrible pictures, but you can get an idea. They are both white gold, even though the coloring is off in the pictures.



I've decided I don't want to pack anymore. It's too much work. Maybe if I close my eyes and wish really hard, it will all appear in Lexington in our new home. No? Sad day...

By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away...

6 weeks 4 days

I have lots of wires. These are about half of them.... I have no idea where they came from.











This is currently my living room... All that used to be......











HERE!



The Goodwill pile currently looks like:

Photo Blog

I've decided to chronicle my move northward with photos and captions. Hopefully it will be a fun way to keep everyone in the loop of what I'm doing and what stage I'm in in the move! :-)

I'm excited. You should be, too. First post coming tonight.

46 days!!

your winter

So, I'm finding I only post or write in my personal journal when I'm upset or melancholy. First, I must say that I get frustrated at myself for this. I find that it is very selfish of me to only record the bad things and that it really just shows how much I can take things for granted. Also, it makes me sound like a whiney little baby - and I must say that I don't really think that I am.

Second, well... This is bit of a down post, BUT hopefully I can turn the corner and bring some light too. My lovely roommate posted a lovely blog about forgiveness and it really hit home for me tonight. You can view it here. She spoke of what the Greek word for forgiveness meant in that language and how illustrates a sort of abandon. Sometimes I think that there is no real root of a problem and sometimes there is no solution that will be found by going round and round, duking it out until someone falls. Forgive, forget, move on and ENJOY life.

Sometimes we get so drawn into what's wrong with us and others that we forget how wonderful life is. I myself am terribly guilty of this.

Tomorrow I'm wearing flip flops and sunglasses and pretend like I get spring break. I'm going to sing loud with the windows rolled down. I'm going to LIVE and be grateful for what I have.

Thank you, Lord for the wonderful people you put in my life. Forgive me for the times that I take life for granted... Take my hand and lead me into your presence more and more each day. I am nothing without your grace and love.

I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
I will be here

Precious Lord, Take my Hand

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on,
Let me stand
I'm tired, I am weak I am worn
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

When my way grows drear precious Lord linger near
When my life is almost gone
Hear my cry,
Hear my call
Hold my hand lest I fall
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

When the darkness appears and the night draws near
And the day is past and gone
At the river I stand
Guide my feet,
Hold my hand
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on,
Let me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home

Take a Breath or Two...

I think it’s terminal, this terminal I’m waiting in
Could use a change of scene, it seems I’ve been repeating it
Another day, another plane, another same thing
Yesterday became tomorrow that’s the strange thing
Another string, another strum, another rhyme, another hum
I want to breathe in
I want to breathe in and out again

I’m tired of putting one foot in front of the other
I’m weary of where it leads me to
I’m tired of moving on from my Father
Make me rest my head, take a breath or two

Simply stated simple minded love for You
Has simply been completely complicated
And I’m finding this daily drudgery is finally catching up to me
It’s time for this abandon to make much of You and less of me
I want to breathe in
I want to breathe in and out again

O for a slower pace
Moving at the speed of sound sounds like a race to me
O to be at ease
Moving at the speed of sound gets hard on the knees

Mommy, WOW! I'm a big kid now...

I am SO excited about the future. The good times definitely outweigh all the bad times that have been happening lately.

I love planning and plotting life together. We're going to try and get a house so we can have a vegetable garden and herb garden. I'm excited. :) I'm excited about having a home and running it. I'm thrilled about coming home to a husband that cooks me dinner in his snazzy apron with his fancy knives. I love our "Christmas cars" and the idea of seeing them in the driveway together. I am so excited to fall asleep in his arms on April 25th.

April 25th is going to be, hands down, the best day of my life. I'm so blessed. I'm so grateful. I'm so READY.

Please Understand

I cried tonight. For several different reasons. On several different occasions.

"Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand."

I'm tired of crying.

i'm not who i was

Part of me really wants to tell certain people to grow up and move on. But then I remember that I did, and that they will in time. I just won't be around to see it when it does.